Getting to the Mountain

It is possible to enjoy your day job

Until three weeks ago, I did not know it was possible to enjoy work. I’ve had six jobs in my life. I’ve hated each and every one of them, usually focusing on the one “redeeming aspect” (usually a single friendly co-worker) so I could overlook how deeply unhappy I was. So, I never had the context required to fully understand what that was doing to my mind and my self worth. On how damaging “just doing it for the money” a job can be. How it can trick you into thinking you’re walking closer to the mountain, but in reality may just be holding you back from it.

What is “The Mountain”?

I’ve started using this as a symbol of my goal, my ideal creative future. What I ultimately want to do with my life. The term was introduced to me in Neil Gaiman’s 2012 Keynote Address at the University of Arts. He said:

“Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.

And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain. I said no to editorial jobs on magazines, proper jobs that would have paid proper money because I knew that, attractive though they were, for me they would have been walking away from the mountain. And if those job offers had come along earlier I might have taken them, because they still would have been closer to the mountain than I was at the time.”

Doing it “Just for the Money”

I didn’t fully understand the difference between a job that took me to the mountain and one that didn’t until the events of this week. You see, I chose the paraprofessional job in large part because it gets me closer to my mountain. Teaching helps me learn how to communicate more effectively. It makes me a better storyteller. It connects me with organizations and groups that are interested in my work and supporting it. And it gives me time to work on my own projects more, while taking less energy and stress. If anything, it often inspires and invigorates. That’s why I chose it, despite the huuuuuuge pay-cut it represented. When Sunday night rolls around, I think to myself, “Work is tomorrow…that’s awesome!”

Earlier this week, the main office sent out a plea: Any para-professional interested in picking up extra hours could help as a secretary, as HR has bungled the hiring process (again) and the person they’ve hired is having trouble being cleared quickly through the system. So I, feeling guilty for having chosen this job and turned my back on a financially stable job, immediately jumped on the opportunity. “Just for the money,” you see.

And you know what happened? I awakened the next day, and suddenly it was like I was back at my old job. The dread. The despair. The self-loathing. It was horrible. Having tasted a brief joy, I had somehow banished myself once more to the underworld of employment.

The true cost of a “Just for the Money” job

I realized that by taking that extra job “just for the money” I had sent myself a very bad set of messages. For one, I had defined my value by my earning power, not by my actions. When I’m just working with the kids, I define my self worth by seeing them engage. By witnessing a reticent writer be exhilarated by an idea, or helping a child discover something about themselves, or simply noticing a kid that has before now always been overlooked. I am valued by others, because I value them, and in turn I value myself. However, when I stripped out who I am and what I was doing, and made the purpose of work “just for the money” I destroyed all of the aspects that I actually valued. Even worse, I had subconsciously said, “my small business, my creative dreams, my mountain is worth less to me than $9.50 an hour.”

When I was making $37 an hour, I told myself that it was okay to do it “just for the money” because it was enabling me to financially support my eventual journey to the mountain. And in some ways that was true, but it was also a trap. Because that mindset had a cost, and now for the first time I am able to appreciate the true price of that toil. Of how deeply it cut into the core of who I was, to prioritize my mountain as something less important than cash.

The full benefits of aligning work and your path

I haven’t just had more energy these past few weeks. I’ve had less mental anguish, less nightmares, less insomnia, less migraines, less muscle seizures. My physical health has improved almost overnight. My ability to process information is remarkably better. My mind feels far clearer. Even my depressive lows have seemed more self-aware and less long-lasting. Because by leaving the old job I wasn’t just abandoning an old way of living. I embraced a new way of life that includes valuing myself, my dreams, and my mountain.

Sometimes our idealistic goals do clash with the hard reality of finances, and it’s important to be practical and pay one’s bills, but it doesn’t have to be an either-or proposition. With prudence and grace, we can navigate this great material continuum to fulfill both the needs of our bank accounts and our heart’s desires. And it starts by not taking jobs “just for the money,” but also because of the value of the work itself.

Does it get you closer to the mountain? And if not, at what cost?

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